India Funny: 2014

dengue....

is desh ko dengue se zyada khtra finance minister se hai....

Netaaon ke liye aik sher
aish o ishrat zindagi nisf khaane mein guzar jaye
yeh baja hai ki baqa paikhane mein guzar jaye

har pal, har ayyam, har subhe har shaam
apni daulat hai hi kahan, desh ki daulat lutane mein guzar jaye,

neta re santa...

aik baar aik neta ne santa ke bachche ko pair se girne se bacha liya... santa ne use mersedese gift ki...

aik din santa ka accident ho gaya aur neta ne se khoon diya...is baar us ne neta ko til waale laddo diye.....

neta gusse se" is baar mersedese kyun nahi di"

santa "ab meri ragon mein bhi neta ka khoon daur raha hai..."

hum math kyun nahi bolte.....

santa" yaar hum hindi bolte hain"

"english bolte hai"
"par math kyun nahi bolte"

banta

"zyada 3-5 mat kar aur 9-2-11 ho ja varna 4-5 dhar doonga..
36 ke 6 reh jaayenge.. "

samjhe!!

chemical equation.....

professor" chemical symbol of barium "

banta"BA"

professor" chemical symbol of sodium "

banta "NA"

professor"what will we get if we combine 1 atom of barium and 2 atom of sodium??"

banta" BANANA"

santa to bhagwaan

santa" bhagwaan, if you give me 100 rupees , i will donate 50 rupees in temple.."

(after walking some distance he got 50 rupees note)

santa" shame on you bhagwaan, you don't trust me a little,
you have already taken you share"

mazzaak......

santa apne bete se......

santa" beta is baar tumhe 90% marks lane hain"

beta"na is baar mein to 100% laaon ga "

santa"beta kyun mazaak kar rahe ho "

beta "shuru kis ne kiya tha"

santa the chicken..

santa singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought hundred chickens to begin with...

a month later santa sing returned to dealer for another hundred chicken because all of them had died...

a month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred for the second lat had also died....

santa"but i think i know where i'm going wrong"

" i think i'm planting them to deep"

Rajni kanth vs santa....

Santa: what is the half of 8??

Rajni: four...

Santa: depend karta hai.....

agr horizontally karo to 0 aur agar vertically karo to 3...

for the first time in history Rajnikanth loose..

Experiment with narendra modi.....

you will be shocked to know that an experiment of making male to female was tested on modi........and it got a success...........now we are going to have second lady prime minister..................this is the latest photo of her.........................Mrs. moti.......

AK funny...

Chaar bach gaye hain lekin party abhi baaki hai.....
Chaar bach gaye hain lekin party abhi baaki hai.....
Chaar bach gaye hain lekin party abhi baaki hai.....
Chaar bach gaye hain lekin party abhi baaki hai.....
Chaar bach gaye hain lekin party abhi baaki hai.....

apple...fixed...

this photo shows superiority of android over apple......

funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....funny... funny.....

Bride wanted...

Rahul gandhi has been looking for a bride...... help him to continue the dynasty........interested..... call rahul gandhi's number....98154879545

Boi....
name.......rahul gandhi
caste.......... brahmin
religion.......islam
faith.........roman calothics
birth place.........india
nationality.....italian.

Narendra aur india ka moti.....narendra modi..

how great this is........ this is the photo taken by india funny co- operations on 5th may when modi was dring moti's urine......

mosquito....

there, a girl was drink tea but suddenly a mosquito got into her mouth....
but still the girl was unaware of this...

after a while.... the mosquito's father came and said something in her ears but the girl got unconscious....

can you expect what did he say......

he said"there is my baby in your stomach."

paas

likhna parhna chhor de bande naikiyon par rakh aas..
chaadar utha aur aaram se so ja bhagwan karega paas..

khaas...

palko pe apni bithaya hai tumhe....
bari duaon ke baad paya hai tumhe
.
.
aasani se nahi mile ho tum..
...

national zoolagical park se churaya hai tumhe...

ARZ kiya hai..

jab aapko koi lagne lage khaas...

aur baaki sab lage aapko bakwaas..

maang lena uska saath dhayaan rahe us ki maan na ban jaye kisi aur ki saas

jo roka karte the hamen sharab peene se..

jinhe koyal samjha weh kowwa nikla...
jinhe koyal samjha weh kowwa nikla...
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dosti ke naam par hawwa nikla...
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jo roka karte the hamen sharab peene se
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un ki jaib mein pawwa nikla....

our dua...

yeh khuwahish hai meri ki tum zindagi mein bahaut aage badho.....

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Itne aage badho ke jis se bhi milo yo keh de.....

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chhutte nahi hai baba chalo aage badho....

zindagi.....ishq..

aap hamare dil mein kuchch is tarah sama gaye ho...
aap hamari zindagi mein kuchch is tarah aa gaye ho....

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jis tarah hare bhare khait mein kuchch saand ghus gaye hon......

qabristan mein function tha....

sher arz kiya hai ,
hamein apno ne loota gairon mein kahan dam tha ,
hamein apno ne loota gairon mein kahan dam tha ,
hamari haddi vahan tooti jahan hospital band tha,

hamein rikshe pe le jaya gaya ,kyu ke ambulance mein petrol kam tha,
hamein doctron ne uthaya , nurson mein kahan dam tha,
hamein us bistar par lita, jis ke neeche bum tha,
hamein bomb se urhaya, goli mein kahan dam tha,
hamein chorahe par dafnaya, kyuke qabristaan mein function tha......

The excuse....

Monday Night:
Wife: Aaj tum daaru peeke aaye ho! Kyun?
Husband: Arre aaj office main foreign clients ke saath meeting thi to peeni padi.

Tuesday Night:
Wife: Aaj tum fir daaru pee ke aaye ho ! Kyun?
Husband: Arre aaj mere ek friend ki engagement thi toh usne party di isliye.

Wednesday Night:
Wife: Aaj bhi tum peeke aaye ho...
Husband: Aaj ek friend ka breakup ho gaya... wo bahut udaas tha toh uska mood fresh karne ke liye...

Thursday Night:
Wife: Aaj fir se... Ab kiska breakup ho gaya?
Husband: Breakup nahi.... Aaj Office mai work load tha... bahut tension thi.... isliye.

Friday Night:
Wife: Aaj kyun?
Husband: Jis friend ki engagement thi na Tuesday ko, Aaj uski shaadi thi... toh khushi ke mauke pe toh peeni banti hai.

Saturday Night:
Wife: hmmm... Ab?
Husband: Aaj purane school friends mil gaye the toh wo disco le gaye aur zabardasti pila di... maine bahut mana bhi kiya par maane nahi...

Sunday Night:
Wife (gusse se): Ab Aaj kya ho gaya?
Husband: AADMI EK DIN BHI APNI MARZI SE NAHI PI SAKTA HAI KYA ???

A story that is to be narrated...........

Yeh kahani 500 saal baad us zamane ki dadiyan apne bachcho ko sunaya karengi......................

Aik baar ki baat hai.....................kisi zamane mein aik moti naam ka kutta hua karta tha...............usne har tarah ki haddiyan khain thi par sirf aik haddi ko usne kabhi nahi chakha tha.................us haddi ka naam pratan meti tha............. us kutte ko us haddi ko khane ka itna shok badha ke wo jise dekho kaat ta phirta tha.............. aur is tarah us kutte ne 2000 se jyada logo ko maar dala................par phir bhi use pratan meti nahi mili..........phir us kutte ne bhonkna shuru kar diya aur logo se kahne laga ke bas mujhe aik haddi dedo..............pratan meti.......... aur wo jhute jhute waade kiya karta ke main ab logo ko katna chhor dunga..............

Bohot saalon tak aise hi girgirata raha aur aik din logo ko us par daya aa gayi aur unhonne us moti namak modi ko pradhan mantri ki haddi de di...............

Arvind kachri waala

i met yesterday a leader of his dukaan i.e Arvind kachriwaala

How to make an atom bomb

I, sadiq javed had been working in DRDO ( Defence, research and development organization ) of India since 1988, and served my country for four decades...... I was also involved in giving a great power to India i.e Atom Bomb or nuclear bomb......... But, last month these happy eras came to an end and I was suspended by the goverment of India and DRDO and I got jobless.. Being a workless person and to fill my stomach, I gave many appointment to many Defence institution but returned disappointed. Now, when every stored thing has finished and I'm not even having to eat and in the revenge to this cruel world, I'm revealing the world's most secret thing i.e How To Make An Atom Bomb...........despite of knowing that I would be hanged ................ . . . . . . . . . . . Project cost: 5 lakh Dollars Time to be taken: 3 months Things required: 1........ Atoms. 2........ 75 Square feet Room. 3........ Metals including Iron in high quantity. 4........ A big spoon for stirring. 5........ A whole body cover for the protection from the gas that will release in the fission. 6........ A big test tube of height 1 meter and 75 cm wide Procedure :---- First collect atoms of Iron, boxigasment, shronigate (These are the two new Metals that had been kept secret by the Atomic scientist) and sodium... then pour all these atoms into the test tube ( The power of the atom bomb depends on the metals boxigasment and shronigate). then pour three mug of lime water...... then stir the solution unless it get curd type solution... now left the solution for one month, and close the door so that reaction could take place. When you will enter the atomic room after one month, you should wear that body cover as required for protection............... Scene of the solution would have became solid and you will have to cover that by zinc and thin Iron sheets and add one jug of urine that should just be of elephant, ( you can too add potties of cat to empower the Atom bomb ) and left this to react with Iron and urine for again one month....... After two months of generation of your new Atom Bomb, when you will enter the Nuclear Room you will smell some odor looking like the death of Rat.... but don't get worried it is coming from your Baby Atom Bomb and it is in progress... Now, you will need some bone and teeth of tiger ( This was also the secret that the bones driven from Tigers is brought by nations to make their Atom bomb ). After the addition you will have to get blood of human (6 liters)..... At last, and after all the additions...... your project is at the last stage....the last step is that to recite the following lines at the front of your baby Atom bomb ----- om bhavishye mayenama, om balikantha om om Atom bomba om nucleara om om balikantha, om bhavishye mayenama om om nucleara om Atom bomba om After recitation, your bomb has got ready now pack in Iron box and enjoy your Atom Bomb!!... and don't forget to thank Sadiq Javed..
Derived from sadiqjaved.blogspot.com

Bachcha nationalist party

Two years ago when no-one was hearing the voice of common man, a new Party came to be known as Aam Aadmi Party was introduced. Nowadays, the same condition is with children and teen-ager. Nowadays, no-one talks about children, everyone is busy in their buddhi politics but they have forgot the contributions of children in framing this great India... They have forgot that the father of the nation i.e Mahatma Gandhi, once too used to be a child....... Nowadays, no political organization accept children while, no scam case has been proved on us and even no crime................... as done by others....... they say that we do not accept children because they do not have mind then, Who tops the school ?................................... Those budhhas? ......... They have forgot that 50% of Indian population is children....... When we got disappointed by this buddhi politics................. we made our own party i.e Bachcha Nationalist Party (BNP). Representing the sign of hairs of gandhi ji in the general election........ Once we get the thrown of Delhi, firstly we will close down all the schools in India that has been a great problem for children.. Our party pledges to pass Bachchapaal ( A law in which parents will have to follow their children ) in the parliament within three days. Once we get the throne of delhi we will add Right to Play in the fundamental right of the citizens............Once we came in the center we will reduce the age limit of facebook to 6 years as many of our bachchaas could not be able to use it....... So, I, Sadiq Javed, the leader of bachcha nationalist party and one of the strongest candidate for prime minister request all our bachcha fellows to vote for yourself....
Bharatbachcha ki ---- Jai! -

Derived from sadiqjaved.blogspot.com